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lunes, 20 de julio de 2015

"I lit my universe on fire...and I watched it burn." Kristen Stewart




My dearest void, here I am again looking for salvation and as always you manage somehow to rescue me.  I read parts of a recent interview to Kristen Stewart on the internet.  I follow some of her work and I've learned that besides being an actress, she's also a poet, a screenwriter among other things.  Because I love poetry and deep insights, I loved this-recent interview because she was very candid about the pain and struggle she went through in her early 20's.  She was telling her story, how she dealt with the pain, with the ugly and how she managed to live hard since a very young age, on how she came out to the other end not hardened, but strong.  Wow!! I was speechless.

Her message was so deep and inspiring that I though it to be a great example on how to deal with our own predicaments and needed to write about it and to become another voice out there echoing hers on some of her deepest thoughts. For instance: "I have the ability to persevere that I didn't have before.  It's like when you fall on your face so hard and the next time, you're like, Yeah, so?  I've fallen on my face before."

For me this means that falling makes you who you are, that without going through the worse in life, you will never be able to appreciate the best.  That through it all you get to taste pain only to be able to get to the other side and have a taste of true happiness, that our perspective will keep changing until we all realize that we should only cry for that which is worth crying and should only apoligize when it is deserving.

We all can make mistakes and lit our universe on fire, watch it burn, but eventually, like the Phenix, be reborn, regenerate, come back from the ashes, with fire within our hearts and start all over again.
Thank you my dearest void, anything can become a source of strengh if we let it!! ...til next time.


lunes, 13 de julio de 2015

Home is where your heart is...

Dearest void, Where is my heart? That is the question.  I don't have an answer for that except to say that the only place it could be is in my children's well being. So therefore, my children are my home, my safe haven, the place I go to rest, to regain my strength, my faith.  I am away from the place I call home, I mean, Puerto Rico, yet I feel like I am at home as long as I'm with them, wherever I am, wherever I go.  So I guess the universe in them is my dwelling.  Today I'm going back to Puerto Rico, with my home right beside me and my heart beating strong for they are right here, next to me. See you soon dear void, let's do it together!!

miércoles, 8 de julio de 2015

Farewell New York...



Farewell New York! maybe I'll never see you again, but at least I got to meet you and kiss the air at the top of the Empire State Building... Always in my memories! L

sábado, 27 de junio de 2015

Medal of Valor


Hi my dearest void, I have run out of words, again.  This is the time when you come to the rescue and make me write in a different language so, like I once wrote, I can make up for the lines unwritten in my maternal language.  Where do my strengh comes from? Where do I get the drive to keep on going and take care of my loved ones when I am feeling dark, falling into the deepest despair, when I feel like I'm breathing by an act of God, when I feel I am being pushed to walk, because otherwise I would be standing still or maybe even laying somewhere out there.

I have all this beauty to share but I can't bring myself to do it right,  I am trying hard to be stoical, to be the hero of my family, to be able to win a different battle and to be awarded, like my father was, with the Medal of Valor for his courage under fire at the korean war. I wish I had the audacity he had when he was alive. I could witness his unwillingness to give up on anything.  For every problem he'd always find an answer, a solution and would even perform miracles when I thought nothing could be done. He was a war hero, but he will always be the hero of my story.  I miss him and I would give anything to talk to him so that he could tell me what to do, because I know for sure he would tell me exactly what to do.

So I am going to pretend that he's talking to me from the heavens above telling me everything will work out for the good, that beyond my reason there's a reason for everything that happens in my life and that when you love God, everything turns out for the best.  I know he would have told me not to give up, to fight, to be strong, to not cave, to trust my Lord, Jesus Christ, to never let go. I am sure before he parted, he asked the Lord to guide me, to get me through life, to protect me, to send me His Angels to help me from any predicament.

Papa, I will try my best to be like you.  That, I promise.  Just keep sending Angels my way to protect me and to allow me to finish your unfinished work, my mom, my brother, and my daughters...  till next time dear void, it was great writing to you...L

martes, 16 de junio de 2015

Empire State of mind...

Hi my dearest void, I hope you are ok.  I am somewhat sad, but there's always the dream of a better day.  I need you close, I need your blank pages more than ever so that I can write off whatever comes my way.  I know I can count on you and that keeps me going.  Don't go anywhere, I beg of you!!! Somehow, every day, life finds a way to bring me a new line, a phrase that would inspire me to write something beautiful or meaningful to me and maybe to you as well.  Today was about the Empire State Building at New York City.  I went there when I was just a kid so my memories are less than zero.  But today I was telling a friend my wishes to go to the top of the building and kiss the air, because the higher you are, the less oxygen there is and I remember that real kisses feel like that.  I learn a long time ago a scientific fact that most people don't know about a kiss.   When you kiss someone you love,  you don't want to stop for fresh air,  you would rather drown in their lips and inhale carbon monoxide, so that the kiss would never stop.  You would start to feel dizzy but that's the beauty of it, to let go and fall deep, to dream away.  I've seen so many romantic movies about the Empire State Building, i.e., Sleepless in Seattle, An Affair to Remember and what they all have in common is the top of the building, the truth about what Shakespeare famously said:  "Journeys end in lovers meeting", the happy ending, the place where everything ends or begins.  Is it a state of mind, a chemical reaction, is it real or is it just the beauty of it all that bring us closer to heaven?  Who knows, but I am glad I got to think of kissing the air up there.  For a moment it was funny, but then it wasn't.  Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but some wishes do come true.  Take care my dearest void, until next time, and a kiss from my Empire state of mind...

jueves, 11 de junio de 2015

Life is full of second chances...

Hi my dearest void... I am so glad you are here, at this late hour, when everyone is sleeping or at least trying to,  reading my silly thoughts,  thinking of my well being and wondering if I am doing ok.  I believe you are out there somewhere, hidden in the most beautiful silence, waiting for me to write something new.  Today was somewhat busy at work, not as hectic as some other days.  I believe is the season, it's summer, everyone is on vacation somewhere in this Island or traveling to Paris, Oh! Paris, today I heard from a friend that I should go sometime to the City of Lights, I believe that's what they call it.   The funny thing is I have been there three times in my life, only I was 5 or 6 years old and I can't remember a thing.  But it's ok.  Life is full of second chances, and maybe, just maybe there might be a chance for me to go back someday and to be able to remember it's splendor.  If it happens, I want to have dinner at the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower.  I wish there was a way.  But since I haven't been lucky enough to go back I have made Puerto Rico my Country and Miami my Paris.  I used to live in Miami and some of my best memories are from the time I got to work and study there.  I often go to visit my family and enjoy every minute of it.  Every time I go I feel as if I was visiting one of the wonders of the world, because every time it feels different.  Being with your loved ones is what matters, but nevertheless, I can always dream.  Dreaming is the only way we can escape to a better world, to a fantasy world, to our own world where everything is as it should be and there's always a happily ever after, like in the fairy tales.  I learned today that there's always hope of a better future and when you least expect it, there's a real Angel helping you through it, someone you believed unreal, a friend that would bring back a smile on a rainy day, that would give you hope when you've lost it all, that will cheer you up when you cannot stand on your own, that would look into your eyes and believe in you, that would become a shoulder to cry on, that would tell you what to do or think when you believe there's not an answer.  I had 15 minutes of heaven today... I forgot my sorrows, my distress, my pain and became myself, before the ugly, before I found out that life is hard, before I was hurt for the first time, before I met reality... Thank you for reading my thoughts, dear void, I will be coming back more often... until then...L