Love Story...


lunes, 12 de octubre de 2015


¡Hécate, reencarna en mis lunas!

en la oscuridad de cada boca de sus piedras
para que den luz a mi soledad,
esa que me lleva a tus umbrales.
Se escuchan los ladridos...
estás cerca de mi mundo "normal".
¡Ayúdame si así lo desea tu corazón
y desata las estrellas, Hija de Asteria!
aparta los espíritus malignos,
jamás te ofendería, lo sabes,
pues eres el cristal en todas sus fases,
la luna negra que perfila mis sombras
cuando descubres lentamente tus rostros.

Quiero vivir en tu tiempo sideral,
ajustar mi calendario a tu órbita,
ver tus formas desde el nacimiento,
el borde iluminado de tus ojos
ese que me permite ver tu imagen.
Eres luz cinérea, el débil resplandor de la mujer
que renueva sus fuerzas, en el ocaso o la aurora,
hasta llegar a refractrar el mismo sol,
¡luna grande, brillo mayor de mis quimeras
cuando tu esfera está en el perigeo!
esconde mi desnudez en el menguante
y hazme como tú, origen de otro tiempo,
donde los niños lloran y se escuchan mis gemidos.

sábado, 10 de octubre de 2015

The biggest day of your life...

You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. You know?  Grey's Anatomy

viernes, 9 de octubre de 2015

It's just you and me again... my dearest void.

My dearest void, it's only you and me, again.  I can't complain.  You have been my faithfull friend for years, never left my side, always stayed pure and white so my ink would have a place to dwell.  Life doesn't get any easier and time seems to stop when there are predicaments surrounding me.  I came to understand today, more than ever, what a stranger wrote.  The meaning of a quote I randomly found which it's exactly what I've always believed, and it reads: "In solitude the mind gets strengh and learns to lean upon itself" Laurence Sterne.  Sometimes loneliness makes us silly and makes us believe we can lean on strangers without making sure they're the real thing.  Ignorance, in this case, is not bliss, is blindness.

We briefly believe them to be someone to rely on, to confide with, sometimes is our solitude wanting it to be real so that our fears are lessened or even overcame.  The fact is that most of the people we try to make part of our lives are actually just visitors passing through that will eventually, when we least expected, fade away.  It makes sense this other quote "I can count my friends on one hand".  The truth is that such a believe will weaken us and one day we'll wake up and discover that in fact, even in the largest crowd, it's ourselves and God we can depend on, everyone else would let us down and we will hear a big thud when we hit the ground and realize that indeed, we have mislead ourselves with false hopes, illusions or great expectations.

Of course it's important to live with an illusion, but not to get bewilder and confound by an impossible one.  Some dreams still can come true, we just need to stick to the ones that will not hurt us at the end of the day... until next time, my dearest void, your emptiness is actually my virtual reality of a friend...

Un "selfie" para Frida

"Mereces un amor que te quiera despeinada, 
con todo y las razones que te levantan de prisa [...] 
Mereces un amor que te haga sentir segura, 
que pueda comerse al mundo si camina de tu mano [...] 
Mereces un amor que quiera bailar contigo, 
que visite el paraíso cada vez que mira tus ojos 
y que no se aburra de leer tus expresiones. 
Frida Kahlo

Me tomo una instantánea distinta, cada día, 
y como tú, Frida, que te (re) construías en el óleo, 
la reedito, le quito las esquirlas,
la desenfoco para que se parezca
un poco al poema que quiero ser,
ese utópico trazo de mí misma
y luego la exhibo en el museo de mis miserias.

Me miro, nos miramos, 
en ese cuadro donde me siento grácil,
mi estructura es inarmónica, asimétrica, 
soy esos tres pedazos rotos de tu columna
y los fragmentos de tu pierna, cercenada.

Por eso me tomo un "selfie".
Sonrío ataviada con un collar 
y un traje de seda negra, 
con el pelo suelto voy a ser dos veces tú,
como el cuadro en que te eternizas,
para poder pintar tu dolor,
ese dolor que te hace visible 
en vez de un reflejo anodino, 
uso el lápiz como pincel,
y te recuerdo, tu infancia distinta:
el padre amado, el primer afecto,
el vientre vacío, el amor, 
el odio, tus aventuras con Diego
y aquél autobús que un trágico día se llevó 
esa otra paleta donde pintabas tus sueños. 

domingo, 4 de octubre de 2015


My dearest void, good afternoon,  is good to be here.  My daughter's dog was ill, thank God we rushed him to the vet and now he's doing better.  I could see the fear in her eyes of losing him.  I've come to learn that sometimes pets can be in fact better friends than some humans.  Ironic, but true. Somewhere in there, while trying to help to save her dog, I managed to go to Church, rewrite a poem, though it still needs editing and watch a movie.  (Just Married, 2003) There was a scene I loved, it swept me off my feet.  The protagonists father gives his son a life lesson on how to deal with hard days on marriage, but I believe he was referring to life as a whole.

"You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. "  

I believe it meant that sometimes we all need to go through bad patches in life to be able to see the happiness that comes afterward and then take a picture of that smile draw in our faces after the pain.  As always, I am looking for answers, and this is quite close to my search for an explanation to my bad days and to that famously phrase "why do bad things happen to good people?"  Is it because this is the only way to learn to appreciate the aftermath, the calm after the storm.  Maybe it's one of the many possibilities... tired, dear void, so tired but who wouldn't be when there's still so much work ahead.  Until next time, dearest void, I never forget this other phrase, I use it when I am a little blue... true happiness is waiting "somehow, somewhere, someday"... until then, I'll be seeing you...

viernes, 2 de octubre de 2015

NO! al maltrato.

No vive el que no vive seguro.
Francisco de Quevedo y Villegas

martes, 29 de septiembre de 2015

In the wake of a hearing

My dearest void,  today was quite a hectic day, but I got through it.  Last night I watched the movie "First Knight" again!!!  I believe I'll watch it again tonight or maybe I will go back to my favorite classic, "Pride and Prejudice".  In each movie, the protagonists are two women ahead of their time, women of power:  Guinevere, Lady of Lionesse and Queen of Camelot and Elizabeth, a woman who would stand on her own in a time when women had to marry or else they would be shunned from society.  She would go against all odds and was determined to marry for love.  Strong powerful women, an example to follow in times like these, when I feel I am in the eye of the storm waiting for its ugly face to show and shake my world to its very core.  I have no shelter, I thought I had, but at the end of the day, it is me against whatever.  Or maybe pressure has taken the best of me and I can't seem to see a helping hand.  Nevertheless, it's lonely out here, facing the winds and standing still until it passes. That's my fate and I have to dry my tears and become the hero of my own story,  like Guinevere, like Elizabeth, women who had to fight for what they believed  in.  That's a lonely road, a very obscure, dark, fearful, dreadful, tough, demanding, tiresome, exasperating road, so frightful I have no more words, my dearest void, no more words for you tonight, I am glad as always for you, you are the blank page that holds me together in times of dispair, in times like this when I want life to go faster so that I can breathe.  But my dearest void, in spite of it all, tonight I helped my youngest daughter finish her physics homework and for that, I can regain my strength and stand tall against the wake of a hearing... Until next time my dearest void, always turn the page so that I can write again... L

lunes, 28 de septiembre de 2015


My dearest void, I hope you're once again an empty canvas so that I can start painting my thoughts.  As usual, I watched a romantic movie, like I do every now and then.  I need to get away from reality and let myself dream.  Like my father always said, without an illusion, there can't be life and even if I am happy and I see the light in the eyes of my loved ones, one needs space to fantasize.  I prefer period romantic dramas, because love somehow, felt much passionate in the past.  But the most important thing, of course, is the plot.  My favorites are those of unrequited love, impossible relationships.  I like to cry a little and be crushed and be at the edge of my bed until I feel relieved because I know eventually things are going to work out between the protagonists and even if it doesn't work and they have to part ways, I am content if I believe it was for the best, as sometimes happens in reality,  although I'm always hoping for a happy ending.

Last night I watched the movie "First Knight", another version of the never ending Camelot, our dream joy, the perfect place with the perfect King and the perfect castle.  In this version of the story (with Sean Connery as King Arthur,  Richard Gere as Lancelot and Julia Ormond as the ethereal beauty Guinevere) everything looked breath taking, the scenery, the sites, everything seemed just perfect!!! It took my breath away to watch the beauty of it all.  I wanted to jump into the other side of the screen like Alicia, in Wonderland, when she jumped to the other side of her mirror.  But then I thought, I don't want to be in Lady Guinevere's predicament.  But then again, sometimes we all are.  To choose between love and reason it's almost an impossible task.  She was pure at heart and wanted to decide what was best for her poeple, because she was the Lady of Lionesse, the "City of Lions" and she had to look after her people and put them before her wishes and desires.  Art sometimes resembles life, at least in some cases.

When you have to make a choice between duty and your heart's desire it might be hard or even unbearable to some.  So, my dearest void,  I stayed behind the screen in fear that I had to make yet another choice when I have made too many.  I am not finished writing about this story, as I am sure millions of people aren't, because this story combines everything that life is all about, fantasy, love, passion, treason, loyalty, war, peace and the utopia, a place or state of things where everything is perfect.  So, good night my dearest void, until next time, I'll be seeing you...

First Knight

Oh, my beloved Lancelot! when are thou coming back to rescue me, like once before, when thou saved me from my abductors and gave me to drink the falling waters from a stair of leaves thou lead with thy very hands. Save me again from the ambuscade I am facing while crossing the land that will take me to Camelot.  Make me disappear so I will not hath to cull betwixt thee and the King.
Thy Guinevere